So I met up with Pandora today. What a stupid bitch.
If you don’t know what’s going on already, do yourself a favour and lock your doors, hide your daughters, and go find yourself a big stick. No seriously, go now, I’ll wait.

Secure? Ok, let me explain. I went to visit Epimetheus today, but he was handing out things to animals or some crap, and so Pandora let me in for something to eat. “Very nice” I thought to myself, and we all know Pandora to be both charming and beautiful, so I was considering myself most fortunate. I considered wrong. I’m just on the way out of the kitchen when I see her prying open the lid of a massive jar (a very good looking jar as it happens, jet black with solid gold edging, very tasteful) and what do you think came out? Oh I don’t know, how about something insignificant like every fucking evil known to man. Holy shit Pandora, how did you manage to do something like that!?

Well it turns out the jar in question was a gift from Zeus, given to Pandora on her wedding day with just one simple instruction: Do not open the jar. Now, I don’t know about you, but if the most powerful deity in existence, the ruler of Mt. Olympus, the big Z-man himself, told me not to open a jar. I wouldn’t open the jar. Because it seems to me, that in a situation such as this, it’s really fucking important that you do not open the jar!
Is that concept too difficult to understand Pandora? Can’t you manage such a simple instruction!? As I said before: Stupid. Bitch.

You can imagine my shock as every known evil flew past me and into the world, I mean, it’s not every day that kind of thing happens. Well it wasn’t every day. I guess now we will be seeing these things daily. Thanks again Pandora.
Oh, and just a warning, things like violence, disease, and insanity. They’re pretty bad. But the really scary one is aging. That thing scares the crap out of me. I mean we’re actually going to die now, just from standing around for too long.